"it's better to lose than to never have had."

"i lost something i never had."


--foer.

re
sent
ment.

i don't really know
what happens now.

it's nonsensical bullshit.

true or false?

In the context of my life, it all matters very much.

what happens now?

too big a story.

living in the time between
the things that happen.

channeling jeffrey mcdaniel.

free falling up downward spiraling
escalator; cemented sideways near
moving sidewalk inside terminal numbered
8 and one half, with view of runway
where planes only slow enough for pilots to
chinese firedrill with
crossdress(k)ing stewardesses who will be late in
dispensing soft drinks to passengers begging to be
sedated into their complimentary headphones.

not good enough.

of course the times square (non)bomber is pakistani. i was genuinely hoping it was some crazy redhead or a blonde or a guy named Joe Brown or some other non-middle eastern man or woman. it would be the stereotypical subject in a terrorist attack, proliferating those wonderful prejudices that have intensified over the past ten years.

i really wish these people had an awareness of and cared about the kind of impact they have on other regular, law abiding people who look like them and have similar last names.

(obviously the possession of this awareness would probably stifle the desire harm the masses.)

my hands are barely holding up my head.

all the salt inside my body
ruins everyone i come close to.