i don't really know
what happens now.

it's nonsensical bullshit.

true or false?

In the context of my life, it all matters very much.

what happens now?

too big a story.

living in the time between
the things that happen.

channeling jeffrey mcdaniel.

free falling up downward spiraling
escalator; cemented sideways near
moving sidewalk inside terminal numbered
8 and one half, with view of runway
where planes only slow enough for pilots to
chinese firedrill with
crossdress(k)ing stewardesses who will be late in
dispensing soft drinks to passengers begging to be
sedated into their complimentary headphones.

not good enough.

of course the times square (non)bomber is pakistani. i was genuinely hoping it was some crazy redhead or a blonde or a guy named Joe Brown or some other non-middle eastern man or woman. it would be the stereotypical subject in a terrorist attack, proliferating those wonderful prejudices that have intensified over the past ten years.

i really wish these people had an awareness of and cared about the kind of impact they have on other regular, law abiding people who look like them and have similar last names.

(obviously the possession of this awareness would probably stifle the desire harm the masses.)

my hands are barely holding up my head.

all the salt inside my body
ruins everyone i come close to.

wondering when we stop defining what we (don't) believe, and start examining why.

city air on
bare skin is
sandstorm.

In Newsweek's April 5th issue, Jonathan Alter's political editorial of the week focuses on "persistent progressivism," and the role of current democratic legislators in pushing for and executing tangible change in the face of the filibuster-happy right wing and its "gesture politics."

Says Alter,

"The question is whether the success of President Obama's emerging governing philosophy -- what might be called persisitent-progressivism -- can be extended into realms beyond health care."

Namely, can the Democrats keep the ruckus of the right wing to a minimum, and in doing so, stay on target and create the change that Obama's campaign promised?



We've already seen the first half of this administration's time come and go.



And after having read the article, the question that remains is, (not so) simply, when did the term "progressive" become a label that holds so much weight? I don't refer to Alter's interpretation, but to the left-wing, right-wing, choose-a-side-or-be-labeled-a-centrist, landscape that has developed into the contemporary political spectrum.

Behind the definitive lines by which red and blue have been divided lay the ideals and principles that have formed and continue to shape America's major political parties. But where are they?



When did the labels placed upon political parties begin to dictate values?



When was it that being a republican began to mean taking Fox news more seriously than the RNC chairperson, while democrats pitied and were embarrassed by the right wing? When was it that voters began to choose between the united, filibustering party of "no," and the whining party of seemingly reasonable but overtly unlikable policy?

It was probably in close proximity to the time when the word bipartisanship became the biggest joke since civil rights; great in theory, but never making much measurable progress when in practice.


Looking further into the differences between progressives and conservatives also begs the question, why do people align themselves with said poles of the socio-political spectrum?



When was it that the idea that every person could be the same, that every child could be in school, that every citizen could see a doctor, and eat, and live sustainably, became so radical? Why is it "socialist" to believe that people shouldn't die, simply because we were too busy buying shit that we don't need, with money that we didn't need?

And why is it so hard to believe that by providing each person with even one meal every day wouldn't put a dent into any of our bank accounts?

When was it that giving a damn began to translate to being a progressive, gay-loving, planet-saving, tree-hugging, peace-marching, granola-eating, baby-killing monster? (And what is so offensive about love, peace, trees, and granola? Though, obviously, that's not the point.)


What is it that cements the minds of the people that are, apparently, in charge of overseeing the democratic republic of the USA, from being able to change, accept, and protect the diversity that is found within this nation's borders? Votes. Money. Greed. Power.

And on both sides of party lines.

With so much partisan conflict, it's still unclear what the 2010 election season will bring about. There are several congressional and senatorial seats up for grabs; will an increasingly liberal social climate garner votes to help the left uphold the slim democratic majority, or are voters tired of waiting so long for effective change to take place? And whatever they choose, are they aware of how each candidate will behave once the race for votes wraps up?

to prove: to establish the truth or genuineness of, as by evidence or argument.

to justify: to show a satisfactory reason or excuse for something done.

satisfactory: competent, adequate, suitable, passable.




it has become unequivocally apparent that searching for more than what is presently existent is both completely inevitable and profoundly disappointing.

we are alone in our conciousness.


feeble attempts at making connections go
unfulfilled;

we seek to remedy the inherent
lonlieness that accompanies the
impermanence and fragility that is
the human condition.




or, at least, to ignore it.

stuck. sticking to sensibility separated from "happy." [whatever that is.] stuck, sticking to pragmatism and other big words relying on false gods and oppressive expectations following through with plans unsuitable. stuck, sticking to need-to-pay-the-rent-with-the-job-i-hate can't-afford-to-go-back-to-school, i-need-this-to-keep-my-insurance, will-never-feel-whole-or-content. stuck, sticking to nothing. moving nowhere. experiencing nothing. stuck with a college degree that got me nothing. a job that gets us nothing. a city that offers us nothing. stuck, let go of dreams when they told me i should. let go of plans when they told me i should. let go of me when they told me i should. wholly fully truly awesomely stuck.

society

an organized group of persons associated together for religious, benevolent, cultural, scientific, political, patriotic, or other purposes.

a highly structured system of human organization for large-scale community living that normally furnishes protection, continuity, security, and a national identity for its members.

those with whom one has companionship, companionship; company.

benevolent

characterized by or expressing goodwill or kindly feelings.

desiring to help others; charitable.

intended for benefits rather than profit.

health

the general condition of the body or mind with reference to soundness and vigor.

soundness of body or mind; freedom from disease or ailment.

care

protection; charge.

to watch over; be responsible for.

to act on; deal with; attend to.

society.

more

foer. just because.

"...the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and the burning buildings,


it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, i don't know, but it's so painful to think,


and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking bring me? i think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."

from el&ic, page 17

"Even though I'm not anymore, I used to be an atheist, which means I didn't believe in things that couldn't be observed...It's not that I believe in things that can't be observed now, because I don't. It's that I believe things are extremely complicated."



"I turned on the radio and found a station playing 'Hey Jude.' It was true, I didn't want to make it bad. I wanted to take the sad song and make it better. It's just that I didn't know how."


--foer

***

...

direction is arbitrary,
unless you're talking time.
traveling forward is the only true endeavor
that anyone can claim to be legitimate.
because rotating on a sphere in one of an
endless possibilities of galaxies
throws off one's sense of direction.
and when traveling in an eliptical pattern,
every direction is the same as every other direction.
clockwise verses counterclockwise,
north verses south,
east, west, up, down,
it's all relative,
none of it's relative,
and we have no clue as to who we are
or where we are
or what we are.

i read it somewhere...1.26 seconds. so what happens to those seconds? will we ever make up for them? will birthday minutes change?


will the end of the world come 1.26 seconds later than planned?
and what of the beginning of the next?

crazed.

nostalgia. longing for the past. comes from greek. returning home. pain, ache. idealistic. liberation. apparently, the act or fact of gaining equal rights or full social or economic opportunities for a particular group.


insane. not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.
artist. not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.
insane. characteristic of that which is not artistic.
artist.


health. the overall condition of an organism at a given time. soundness, especially of body or mind. freedom from disease or abnormality. condition of optimal wellness. community. similar character; agreement; identity. sharing, participation, and fellowship.



life. the general or universal condition of human existence; a particular aspect of existence.


existence. continued state of being.


liberty. freedom from control, interference, obligation, restriction, hampering conditions, etc.; power or right of doing, thinking, speaking, etc., according to choice.

happiness. contentment. contentment. satisfaction; ease of mind. satisfaction. fulfillment; gratification. the state of being satisfied; contentment.

what chance have i of a miracle?

i only want one day
one lousy day, that's all
of every day that's been before
since time began

i know my prayer's in vain,
but for a second i'll pretend
that i could start today again.

today in american politics.

amendments were made. civil liberties were depleted.

in the new bill on credit card regulations, oklahoma senator coburn's provision to lift ninety-four year old ban on ability to bring loaded firearms into national parks has been adapted.

bill to allow loaded guns into national parks. on credit card bill. true story.



and, not to be outdone,
virginia lawmakers passed new legislation that will allow employers to discriminate against employees and job applicants who are LGBT because of their LGBT status.

passed new legislation to remove the right to equal opportunity that all virginians had yesterday...because apparently current virginia legislators aren't big on civil rights.

my favorite.

they tali bans
and censor art for sport. they
snuck into our law schools and
hijacked the supreme court. their
money makes missiles, their labs created anthrax
osama was their pawn, and
evil is their axis, they're
skilled at killing innocent civilians,
because they've had lotsof practice from
hanoi to nicaragua from
vieqes to damascus, for
agua and oil,
gold, zinc and soil
they spread their views on cable news,


they call each other
george and dick and rudy
so next time you see a terrorist,
kick 'em in his booty.
it's not only your right as an american,
it's your patriotic duty.

brilliance.

"real eyes realize real lies"