things to love about '90s television:

1. plaid.


2. cut-off denim vests.


3. the layering of plaid over another type of plaid, under a cut-off denim vest.


4. REM.


5. the cranberries.


6. smashing pumpkins.


7. rage against the machine.


8. scrunchies.


9. lack of cell phone culture.


10. references to bill, hillary, and chelsea clinton.


11. clueless parents who are certain they're correct about whatever it is, who then try to talk to their children, and are always wrong. always.


12. that the clueless parents actually tried to talk to their kids. regardless of how wrong they were, or how uncomfortable everyone was. always.

It just seems like you agree to have a certain personality, or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how to do you know if it's even you?

And, i mean, this whole thing with yearbook; it's like, everyone's in this big hurry to make this book, to supposedly remember everything that happened, but it's not even what really happened. It's what everybody thinks was supposed to happen. Because, if you made a book of what really happened, it'd be a really upsetting book.

--clare danes as angela chase. my so-called life.

phoebe in wonderland.

Jaime: You were so different on stage. ..How come you spit?

Phoebe: I don’t know. Why do you wanna play a girl’s part?

Jaime: It’s a play. I can do whatever I want.

Phoebe: But why do you do it when everyone makes fun of you?

Jaime: Because.

Phoebe: So, because for me, too. ..Sometimes, I get this feeling. This feeling to jump off a roof.

Jaime: You wanna die?

Phoebe: No! It’s what I feel like. All the time. With the things I do. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. It’s like being on the edge of a roof. All the time.

nostalgia.

and another..

during the song "northshore," off of their latest LP, sainthood.

i took some mediocre photos with my little camera,

and then i forgot about them.
from 6th august 2010, at the Honda Civic Tour.

people are somehow really excellent at constantly letting down expectations of what we perceive them to be like.
good and bad.

but maybe that's just my experience.
or maybe perceptions are bullshit.

otherness is overwhelming.
especially when there's too much of it.

too many unpopular opinions.
too many principles
too many convictions
politics too loud.

too many thoughts
too much thinking
too contemplative
not__________enough.

...There must have been. I mean, there's rumors about it. Some of the people who have shaped our humanity, our civilization, were gay. That's just the reality of it. But we don't get to see that being put into the context of our history.


I talked to this woman on a plane about "gay people," and I didn't tell her I was gay, she brought it up on her own, and basically, from her (perspective), and the majority of society it seems -- upper class, white, middle America -- thinks that gay people like to party and buy clothes. And have sex. And do drugs. Like it's a party culture.



They don't think that we can be great politicians, or great minds, or great thinkers, or great artists, or great painters, or great musicians. There's this idea that if you're gay you're being held back. She actually said that "gay marriage is a great thing," because it would help "ground us" as gay people.

--sara quin

cloud nine is prettyfuckingawesome.
don't want this time and headspace to pass.

thus the basis of its appeal.
(--tenthingsihateaboutyou throwbackmuch?)

on the gender binary and other things..

the short documentary The Codes of Gender is rather good,

but when the topic of the gender binary came up, it was asserted that “transgendered and transsexual people have challenged this distinction.”

i would think that most or many trans people actually fit successfully into the gender binary, should they so choose. isn’t that what “passing” is? just like someone who would have been born biologically male or female and happens to feel comfortable within the binary that society is accepting of.

with acceptance of the understanding that sex is not gender, i don’t really believe someone’s status as cis or trans has much to do with challenging the gender binary, but rather, any individual’s choice to do so would, obviously, signify this.

additionally, someone who identifies as androgynous or genderqeer would, i think, be the most likely to be defying the norm of gender stereotypes. even so, someone who most often identifies as andro. could easily choose at any time to personify a more strictly defined classically ”masculine” or “feminine” identity, just as one who is comfortable in a binary category may be free to present her or himself as androgynous at any time.

...it's not your fault.

..if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo...but I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that.


If I ask you about women, you’d probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can’t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy.



You’re a tough kid.



And I’d ask you about war, you’d probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, “once more unto the breach dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one...I’d ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable...


You don’t know about real loss, ‘cause it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much.


And look at you… I don’t see an intelligent, confident man… I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you’re a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you.


--robin williams as sean maguire in good will hunting.

devoid of creativity.
on all fronts.
going on twenty or so weeks, now..

eminem's new lyric,

"have you ever been hated, or discriminated against? i have. i've been protested and demonstrated against."

is funny. 'cause the people protesting his shows/records were the ones who were marginalized by discrimination coming from him. and his violently homophobic and misogynistic lyrics.



when you’re saying oppressive shit and you’re being rewarded on a grand scale with something like a grammy award for said oppressive speech/expression, there’s bound to be backlach. to then use a situation like that, and refer to one’s self as having being discriminated against is simply inaccurate.

..and now, having already won two grammy awards for the new album with this song on it, he’ll be making more money via said lyric. it’s just very funny.

To days of inspiration: playing hooky, making something out of nothing; the need to express, to communicate. To going against the grain, going insane, going mad. To loving tension. No pension. To more than one dimension. To starving for attention, hating convention. Hating pretension. Not to mention, of course, hating dear old mom and dad.

To riding your bike midday past the three piece suits. To fruits. To no absolutes. To Absolut. To choice. To the Village Voice. To any passing fad.


(To being an 'us' for once, instead of a 'them.')


La vie boheme.

Interviewer: Trouble, the name of the album; were you ever in trouble? Were you always in trouble? Where did the title come from?

Ray Lamontagne: I had a hard time from 12 to 24. I had a very, very hard time finding any sort of peace within myself, or any idea of who I was or what I was going to do with my life. And I was very reckless with myself at times.

now I see
just how young, how scared I was.
eyes closed tight,
throwing punch after punch at the world.

--ray lamontagne, "sarah"

i never did understand stoic.
expressive is the only dialect
i'm readily able to decipher.

new hair.
photo by mollie mcpherson.

really, really miss seeing her live. feeling nostalgic. vintage missy playing on repeat.

keep, keep, keep, trees say when i sleep.
they teach.

four who reach and do not forget to reach. four whose only reason is to be and be.

--sandra cisneros

p!nk.

“Number One: With all the strife and economic woes in the world, religious intolerence, global warming — it boggles my mind that we’re spending time, energy and money trying to ban love:

Well, Wall Street is crashing, and I’m about to lose my job, but I don’t want two people I’ve never met to put on nice clothes, say nice things to each other in front of other nice people, and live happily ever after. It’s important to me in my life that that not happen. Really?

And the courts are humoring this.

Two, speaking of humor, at this march for equality, the signs that i saw; holy shit, they were funny..."but i only want one wife," held by a woman protesting the Mormon donations given to support the ban on gay marriage, which is actually illegal.

But I am in awe and constantly inspired by the ability to keep a sense of humor in the face of illegal meddling and oppression.”

an old favorite.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

--e.e. cummings

“And there’s a huge contrast in the media. Listen to Rachel Maddow or Keith Olbermann, and you’ll hear a lot of caustic remarks and mockery aimed at Republicans. But you won’t hear jokes about shooting government officials or beheading a journalist at The Washington Post. Listen to Glenn Beck or Bill O’Reilly, and you will. Of course, the likes of Mr. Beck and Mr. O’Reilly are responding to popular demand. Citizens of other democracies may marvel at the American psyche, at the way efforts by mildly liberal presidents to expand health coverage are met with cries of tyranny and talk of armed resistance. Still, that’s what happens whenever a Democrat occupies the White House, and there’s a market for anyone willing to stoke that anger.”

--Paul Krugman