leave me out with the waste.

this is not what i do.

mantra.

need a plan
need a plan
need a plan.


read:
need to not fuck everything up.
need to not fuck everything up.
need to not fuck everything up.

it's just that,

how many other nations
how many other sovereign states
ensure a citizen's right to
carry a loaded weapon?

in cuba,
"... all citizens have the right to struggle through all means, including armed struggle. ..."


and in mexico.
The inhabitants of the United Mexican States are entitled to have arms of any kind in their possession for their protection and legitimate defense.


and it's funny, 'cause apparently
we, americans, have got beef with
communism, socialism, extremism and
tyranny, but we, the democratic republic of these
United States, have more in common with
the Democratic People's Republic of Korea,
which, in case you haven't done your homework,
is in the north, than we noticed.

"The State shall (...) arm the entire people and fortify the country on the basis of equipping the army and the people politically and ideologically."


and then there's the situation in the middle east;
boys grow taller and are handed guns.
men grow older and are worn down and worn out.




but somehow there are plenty of us out there,
us democracy loving
freedom fighting
capitalist living
wholesome, family oriented
americans

who seem to cling to an amendment on a bill
whose own existence contradicts what it stands for.

a government issued acknowledgement of
apparently inherent rights.

it's paradoxical, besides being outdated.
hamilton had a point. a good one.

it's all just very disconcerting to me.

so profoundly confused.
most of the time.

i don't believe in restraint
unless your toes are hugging the edge of a building's roof,

i don't respect stoicism
unless it comes from a place of emptiness,

i can't fathom disbelief
unless we're talking mysticism, theology, or vampires on television.

and i think that we're never going to truly
understand much of anything,

let alone the thoughts and intentions of
another living, breathing person.


'cause we're alone in our conciousness.


we can't ever be certain of anything, which is why
we invented the benefit of the doubt

and believing in those who we've
promised we would.

and when we don't do that,
i'm not sure what the point is.

zero.
that's the number of things that have gone right.

words
words
words
words...

...haven't got any.

wield words like weapons

perspective
perspective
perspective...

fail·ure 
–noun

1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure.

2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.

3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops.

4. a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.

5. a becoming insolvent or bankrupt: the failure of a bank.

6. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful: He is a failure in his career.

i want this.

i want this.




...and this.




and this one, too.

joan miro.

Photo: ceci est le couleur de mis reves.
Photo: this is the color of my dreams.






i want a print.
but i can't find one.


no good.

methodical.

what is the sum of it all?
we can't erase awareness.

never once
did i think to retaliate.
to scream my life into
your open eyes.

linguists have yet to translate my
intentions.
verbal
cerebral
physiological
insanity
is the diagnonsensical categorical
conscientious
consensus.

play on
off
on
off
on words
doesn't even begin
to begin covering it.

whatever that
may or may not mean to you
tomorrow.

"it's better to lose than to never have had."

"i lost something i never had."


--foer.

re
sent
ment.

i don't really know
what happens now.